Upon visiting Her Highness Queen Elizabeth I today, I discovered that I am not very fond of royalty. Perhaps it is wrong of me to categorize all kings/queens/princes, etc. like that, but it cannot be helped. The only reason I was even granted a prestigious visit to the proud queen, is because my son is a rising star in the theatre. Since his debut in "Hamlet", he has acted in several Shakespearean plays, all of which Her Ladyship the Queen highly approved of (for the plays did nothing but flatter Her Majesty, which was a bit too much for me personally). I understand it must not be an easy task managing an entire country-never mind the greatest country in the modern world-especially with the disadvantage of being a single female ruler. Nevertheless, I firmly believe that monarchs are most efficient and beneficial to their respective countries when they treat their fellow subjects with love and respect. As a citizen, I can safely state that people are more apt to obey a monarch who treats them well. When the ruler is tyrannical, however, fear replaces admiration in the eyes of civilians. And Queen Elizabeth I is the epitome of a dictator. Well, with one exception. She is a true patron of the arts, and to that I owe much homage to her. Without her generous funds to the Playwrights and Actors Association, my son would not have the oppurtunity to do what he loves (acting, of course). For this I am indebted to Her Ladyship, and am willing to dissmiss her ignoble actions to all those who serve her. For though the Queen acts all high and mighty in character, in truth, she is nothing but an ugly, wretched, cold-hearted little woman. You may not believe my harsh words, but if you want proof to what I say, just go to her court yourself. That is, if she even admits your lowly prescence. If you happen to be a sychophant, and a playwright to boot, you will undoubtedly be approved of. And while you fawn over Her Highness with all sorts of untruths pouring from your deceitful mouth, take a look of your surroundings. Her elegant court is filled with humble, poorly-treated servants. Her Highness' wine-fetcher daren't look up at the Queen until she smacks her painted lips with approval; that is, if she doesn't throw her fine goblet down to the floor in a burst of anger over foul wine. This is but one example of Her Majesty's "refined" character. I shall say no more, for my treachorous words may have endangered me more than I dare to imagine.